I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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