Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I smell stomach acid.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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