the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
