Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
