I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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