I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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