i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
