so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
