Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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