the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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