NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
