we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
