Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
