He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
