i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
