I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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