he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
