I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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