I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
