Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize