Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How naked do you want me to be?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
