They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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