There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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