Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
