Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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