i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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