Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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