If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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