I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize