He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
