also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
