dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
