Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
