How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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