guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
