She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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