on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
