i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
