Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
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If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
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He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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