College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
