Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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