I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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