I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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