It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
