I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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