I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
