I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
