You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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