Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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