I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
