After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
