So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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