i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
