You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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