Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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