If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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