I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Randomize
