remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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