i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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