When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
