we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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