dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
