it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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