Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
