What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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